Captain Pandemic and the Daring Kazoo – 5

(Captain Pandemic and the Daring Kazoo was a little narrato-pictoral experiment I ran on tumblr over the summer. I liked it enough that I’m going to keep making it! However, I’m going to do it here instead. Check out Part 1 here, or the last part here.)

“A note for yarr, captain!” Buccaneer Gray swung across the ship with a message in his outstretched hand and gave it to Captain Pandemic. “From the Great Pirate himself!”

“The Great Pirrrate? Gasp,” she said. “We must leave immediately. Arr.”

“Captain, it says for you to come alone. Up to the mansion at the hill, the meeting is in 15 minutes.”

“Fifteen minutes? Gasp,” she said. “Let us be away! Arr.”

She bashed in the door. “Who be you and why be you usin the name o’ the Great Pirate to summon me ‘ere?”

“I be Barko MacGruffin the First, Captain of the Shameless Bologna, and right hand to the Great Pirate ‘imself.”

“Well I be Captain Pandemic o’ the Daring Kazoo, Waverider 1st class, certified Alpha-Pirate by the Guild o’ Pirates, AND reigning champion o’ the Shantytown dirtbike race for three years runnin’.”

“Arr, I see. O’ course, I be a Waverider 0th class, plus-rank captain by the Board of Certifiers an’ Such, 3-year top customer at Greasy Ale’s Ale n’ Grease,  AN’ winner o’ the Olympic gold in wrestlin’ whales.”

“I unnerstand, but you ‘ave to see, I am an MVP (Most Valuable Pirate) at seven o’ the ten-“

“Arr, and I be the leader o’ the Pirate Acafellas and am the fastest rower on slave ships out o’-“

“Yarr, though I be the Dragon o’ the Sea, and I own a pair of glasses that’ll-“

“Thar I recognize, but I be-“

Later that evening, the Vice Admiral received word from a nobleman named Barko Macgruffin the First, who had apparently been talking to every ship in the harbor about a special mission, direct from the queen herself.

He walked through the door frame, which a few servants were busy re-attatching a door to. “Hellloo! I be Barko Macgruffin the First. You’re the Vice Admiral, I presume?”

“The First? How many children do you have? You know, I have a daught-“

Barko looked at him stupidly. “None. What kind of a dumb question is that?”

The Admiral sighed. “Nevermind. Go on.“

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