Captain Pandemic and the Daring Kazoo – 7

(Captain Pandemic and the Daring Kazoo was a little narrato-pictoral experiment I ran on tumblr over the summer. I liked it enough that I’m going to keep making it! However, I’m going to do it here instead. Check out Part 1 here, or the last part here.)

“You know, I’m actually astonished. This might be, well, a decent idea. Which is saying a whole lot.”  The Vice Admiral paced back and forth through Captain Pandemic’s cabin, waiting for dinner to begin.

Barker was busy getting into his dress uniform. “Could this be a ploy of some kind, sir? Corner us or split us up while she sneaks onto our ship?”

The Vice Admiral looked on him admonishingly. “Barker, the Captain’s idea of a ‘ploy’ is to send a 10 person crack-team onto our ship over the course of several days to steal the bags which our food was held in, so that ‘We’ll harrve to eat all the food right arrway, and get fat and complarrrrcent!’“

Barker laughed. “I suppose you’re right. Lets go.”

They stepped into a dining room, far nicer than any other place on the ship. Captain Pandemic was sitting with Buccaneer Gray and down a little ramp the crews of both ships were slowly warming up to each other. “How will ye have yer steak, Vice Admiral?”

“Rare. I mean, no, I won’t have steak, because that doesn’t make ANY sense because we’ve been out to sea for days. I’ll have fish or sea turtle or something.”

“As ye wish! Here, while yer’ waitin, look over our maps an’ our projected course, we think we arr about a week behind the red-sailed ship. If we joined up, I’d lay me life on the idea we could take ‘er by sarrrrprise.”

“Okay, just one more thing. But have you even LOOKED at these maps? How do you know the coastline of Florida that well? And we didn’t successfully get the river systems of South America down ‘til like a CENTURY later. And our position? What, do you think we have Google freakin’ EARTH? We’re in the middle of the ocean! People make maps by walking along the ground with a bloody stick of graphite in their hand! They didn’t even put erasers on the ends of them until eight-teen-sixty-bloody-two!”

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